soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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