So drunk its hurt
I think my vagina is haunted
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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