Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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