I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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