Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
