My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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