Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
