It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
