Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
