filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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