we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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