omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
