Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The struggles of a small town man whore
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
