i think i have herpe
just one?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
