hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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