Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Farmville is her only friend.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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