Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
