I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I supernannyed him into submission
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I have post one night stand depression
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
