I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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