8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
