The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
