My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
How's work?
Spinning.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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