Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
