I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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