My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
