you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
PANTIES FOUND
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
