I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
