Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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