found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
