he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
