I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
