Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
