It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
