i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
