your parents love me but you hate me
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
