i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
And then my night got REAL pukey
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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