It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
