During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
