You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
The air taste purple.
Randomize
