I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
