Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
