You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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