I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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