I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
