he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
