In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
