she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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