we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
