you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize