On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
