he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
