drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
