why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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