Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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