Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
