i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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