The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
