I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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