Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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