There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
