Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
