last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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