Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
