My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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