thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
