I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
