I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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