So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
