I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
