Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
