I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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