Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
