I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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