I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
