You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Sober January is a disaster.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
