Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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