who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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