I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
