He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
